Institution
by makipie
Summary: Readreview. Old fan fic, began at the tender age of 14! maybe even 13! skip the text talk introduction and it isn't bad. Basically, put some of the characters in an institution.
1. Default Chapter

A little 1 chapter one-shot, implied 1+2 and 3+4, depression, mention of self-harm, don't read if it could trigger anything, coz I would hate 4 that 2 happen.  
  
Varying pov's duo 2 start with.  
  
  
  
  
  
Duo  
  
I'm marched unceremoniously down the corridor, the bright white walls a far cry from the softly lit reception room where Hiiro is left behind. I stare back towards the door, which had been hurriedly pulled shut behind us and I imagine him signing the papers and forms, with the kindly spoken lady. He hadn't shown any emotions as he gave me away to these people, but they all had an air of falsity about them, which made me uncomfortable. I try to breath deeply, inhaling the sharp lemony scent of cheap disinfectant. I still don't believe I'm here; that my friends would send me away, to a mental institution, it takes a while for it all to sink in.  
  
We stop abruptly outside an open door, number 27, a clipboard hangs from a nail in the gloss paint, and I just about read my name before being gestured into the tiny room. She turns to face me for the first time smiling too sweetly, and she shows me where to put my things. She points to a shelf on the wall, indicating my bunk, the bottom one "most of the rooms here are single, but we are very short of beds right now.." She says, then adds, " Besides, I'm sure your new room mate would enjoy the company." I wonder about my room mate, who he is, and what he looks like, I note the security cameras in the corners of the room, from what I've been told, the asylum is very secure, but most patients aren't monitored in their rooms, it isn't deemed necessary. I frown, not particularly wanting to share with a psychopath. She picks up on this, and says, " don't worry, your room mate is perfectly safe", I nod to her, not in the least bit reassured, but she doesn't notice. She talks in a detached manner, she points more. I ignore her, letting it float over my head, idly taking in the dull room, it had a simple layout, which I would later learn to be standard at all, Darlian homes.  
  
It seems that the only colour in the room comes from the photos, blue- tacked to the wall over the top bunk, there are so many of them, mostly women, all smiling. They're too high up for me to see them clearly, but I can still make out the white teeth. Next to the bed, is a shelf, much like my own, rounded corners, of course, and plastic covers over the screws, whoever designed this place was through. On the shelf, is a shoe box, grey, like everything else in here, on the side, in large fancy writing, I read, "special things", something the therapists dreamed up no doubt.  
  
I dump my stuff on the bed, telling nurse Relena, as it says on her name tag, that I'll put it away later, because "I can't wait to meet the other patients" she either misses or dismisses the sarcasm in my voice, and she marches me back down the corridor. I'm glad that she doesn't ask me to put away my things; I hadn't heard a word she'd said. She shows me into a dining room of sorts pointing out where to get meals and when appropriate, medication. She reminds me of an airhostess, behind the smile there are no feelings whatsoever, she is after all, just doing her job. She ushers me over to a fold out table, introducing me to a petite blonde boy, who stops his chatter with a lanky young man to shake my hand. He smiles amiably at me, occasionally saying a polite "of course"..or " certainly" to the Dirty blonde nurse who seems to forget my presence. After a while, she turns, finally giving me her attention and says, "this is Quatre, I'm sure you two will get on just fine." I stare back at her, disliking her patronising tone as she tells me this is my roommate and he'll show me around until I get settled in. Quatre's friend smiles slightly at me, a look of quiet understanding in one emerald eye, the other impossible to see through a thick bang obscuring half his face. "I'll watch out for him," Quatre says, the innocent smile never leaving his lips. Nurse Relena leans over to rest a hand on his head, " I knew I could count on you," she whispers, before facing me, smiling again. "Nurse Noin will see you in the morning, she'll assign you a time table, and give you your assessment, have a nice stay", I sit down, Quatre smiles, I grin back at him, watching the nurse over his shoulder as she marches out of the room.  
  
I eye up my roommate, taking in the unruly platinum blonde hair as we talk about trivial things. He tells me about his love for music, and that when he goes home, his sister, Illea, will buy him a new violin, that is, if he recovers. I wonder if he sees this as bribery. He still smiles, obviously not. He's the only son of a large family, he tells me he has 29 sisters, so I gawk at him, not believing, "it's not possible to have that many!" I say, "Unless..your old man must be a stud!" I mentally kick myself, hoping I didn't offend him, but he just smiles at me nicely, looking slightly confused. I feel my grin falter, I didn't mean to say it, it was on reflex, cover up my true feelings with a naff joke. I fidget in the hard plastic seat, while Quatre gazes at me, as though trying to remember something. But his smile never fails. He's the perfect image of sweetness, and I can't think of any reason why he would be in an asylum like this, or why he would need cameras in his room. His friend, glances at Quatre sadly, and tells me, "they're test tube babies, his father wanted heirs to take over his corporation." The brown haired boy, speaks softly, in a calm tone, and Quatre nods, "that's it, thanks Trowa", Quatre  
  
  
  
  
  
Wufei Quatre was crying, tears streamed down his cheeks 


	2. chapter1

(r+r if u like, I'll b a very happy bunny)  
  
Disclaimer:I don't own nowt! Leave me alone!!  
  
A little 1 chapter one-shot, implied 1+2 and 3+4, depression, mention of self-harm, don't read if it could trigger anything, coz I would hate 4 that 2 happen.  
  
Varying pov's duo 2 start with.  
  
I hav 5 reveiws 4 half a chapter!  
  
*hugs peoples*  
  
should I change the tense, I'm not sure about writing in present.  
  
DID?  
  
I like Irony, so Heero will come in2 it later, thanx 4 the idea, I had writers block yesterday *bashes muses with big stick*  
  
some of their illnesses come into it now, but they'll probably get changed after I get some research done.  
  
And this is still just a test chapter, because my word processor is messed up.  
  
  
  
  
  
Duo  
  
I'm marched unceremoniously down the corridor, the bright white walls a far cry from the softly lit reception room where Hiiro is left behind. I stare back towards the door, which had been hurriedly pulled shut behind us and I imagine him signing the papers and forms, with the kindly spoken lady. He hadn't shown any emotions as he gave me away to these people, but they all had an air of falsity about them, which made me uncomfortable. I try to breath deeply, inhaling the sharp lemony scent of cheap disinfectant. I still don't believe I'm here; that my friends would send me away, to a mental institution, it takes a while for it all to sink in.  
  
We stop abruptly outside an open door, number 27. A clipboard hangs from a nail in the gloss paint, and I just about read my name before being gestured into the tiny room. She turns to face me, for the first time, smiling too sweetly, and she shows me where to put my things. She points to a shelf on the wall, indicating my bunk, the bottom one .  
  
"most of the rooms here are single, but we are very short of beds right now.."  
  
She says, then adds, " Besides, I'm sure your new room mate would enjoy the company."  
  
I wonder about my room mate, who he is, and what he looks like, I note the security cameras in the corners of the room. From what I've been told, the asylum is very secure, but most patients aren't monitored in their rooms, it isn't deemed necessary. I frown, not particularly wanting to share with a psychopath. She picks up on this, and says, " don't worry, your room mate is perfectly safe," I nod to her, not in the least bit reassured, but she doesn't notice. She talks in a detached manner, she points more. I ignore her, letting it float over my head, idly taking in the dull room, it had a simple layout, which I would later learn to be standard at all, Darlian homes.  
  
It seems that the only colour in the room comes from the photos, blue- tacked to the wall over the top bunk. There are so many of them, mostly women, all smiling. They're too high up for me to see them clearly, but I can still make out the white teeth. Next to the bed, is a shelf, much like my own, rounded corners, of course, and plastic covers over the screws, whoever designed this place was thorough . On the shelf, is a shoe box, grey, like everything else in here, on the side, in large fancy writing, I read, "special things", something the therapists dreamed up no doubt.  
  
I dump my stuff on the bed, telling nurse Relena, as it says on her name tag, that I'll put it away later, because "I can't wait to meet the other patients" she either misses or dismisses the sarcasm in my voice, and she marches me back down the corridor. I'm glad that she doesn't ask me to put away my things; I hadn't heard a word she'd said.  
  
She shows me into a dining room of sorts, pointing out where to get meals and, when appropriate, medication. She reminds me of an airhostess, behind the smile there are no feelings whatsoever, she is after all, just doing her job.  
  
She ushers me over to a fold out table, introducing me to a petite blonde boy, who stops his chatter with a lanky young man to shake my hand. He smiles amiably at me, occasionally saying a polite  
  
"of course"..or " certainly"  
  
to the Dirty blonde nurse who seems to forget my presence. After a while, she turns, finally giving me her attention and says, "this is Quatre, I'm sure you two will get on just fine."  
  
I stare back at her, disliking her patronising tone as she tells me this is my roommate and he'll show me around until I get settled in. Quatre's friend smiles slightly at me, a look of quiet understanding in one emerald eye, the other impossible to see through a thick bang obscuring half his face.  
  
"I'll watch out for him," Quatre says, the innocent smile never leaving his lips. Nurse Relena leans over to rest a hand on his head, " I knew I could count on you,"  
  
she whispers, before facing me, smiling again. "Nurse Noin will see you in the morning, she'll assign you a time table, and give you your assessment, have a nice stay", I sit down, Quatre smiles, I grin back at him, watching the nurse over his shoulder as she marches out of the room.  
  
I eye up my roommate, taking in the unruly platinum blonde hair as we talk about trivial things. He tells me about his love for music, and that when he goes home, his sister, Illea, will buy him a new violin, that is, if he recovers. I wonder if he sees this as bribery. He still smiles, obviously not. He's the only son of a large family, he tells me he has 29 sisters, so I gawk at him, not believing,  
  
"it's not possible to have that many!" I say, "Unless..your old man must be a stud!"  
  
I mentally kick myself, hoping I didn't offend him, but he just smiles at me nicely, looking slightly confused. I feel my grin falter, I didn't mean to say it, it was on reflex, cover up my true feelings with a naff joke. I fidget in the hard plastic seat, while Quatre gazes at me, as though trying to remember something. But his smile never fails. He's the perfect image of sweetness.  
  
I can't think of any reason why he would be in an asylum like this, or why he would need cameras in his room. His friend, glances at Quatre sadly, and tells me, "they're test tube babies, his father wanted heirs to take over his corporation." The brown haired boy, speaks softly, in a calm tone, and Quatre nods, "that's it, thanks Trowa".  
  
I watch Quatre, my false grin returns, I don't like him, he's annoyingly sweet, and I can't help thinking he shouldn't be here at all, he's a little slow perhaps, but not insane.  
  
"so, your father owns a company?" I ask, "what is it, what does it do?", I try to sound interested.  
  
"Winner enterprises, they manufacture vehicles(1), his father also has a high position in the international senate." Trowa says, I've heard that name before, on TV or something; Quatre surprises me again. I'll ask Hiiro about it when he visits, he knows the senators pretty well.  
  
I'm about to ask more, when Quatre stands up, waving to a slender Chinese teenager, he pulls up a chair, and takes a seat next to me. "Who's the new kid?" he says, disgusted. I glare at him, as he scowls at my hair and clothes, all black, sleeves turned down over my wrists. Quatre smiles at him, oblivious to my discomfort. "this is Duo, Wufei, he'll be sharing my room." Wufei snorts, "so, what's he in for?" This guy is blunt, and he address's Trowa, not me. Trowa shrugs, and I reply,  
  
"They said I had multiple personality disorder, what're you in for?"  
  
that's a lie, I don't have multiple personality disorder, but I don't want to tell them why I'm here. what would they think if they knew? Wufei frowns harder, but doesn't answer. Instead, Trowa says, "he's a schizophrenic, with a violent disposition, but they have it under control with medication(2)" Wufei snorts, and I laugh at him, "so what'd you do then?"  
  
"I Murdered my wife."  
  
I stop laughing in an instant, not knowing if this is a joke.  
  
"But aren't you to young to be married?" I ask him, cautiously, I feel my voice wavering in my throat with every word, unsure if I really want to hear the answer.  
  
He pauses, an expression of mild amusement on his face, smirking at my braid before leaning forward and whispering in my ear. "ridiculous onna" he breathes, just loud enough for Trowa and Quatre to hear.  
  
Quatre smiles at Wufei, Trowa stays silent. I can see Wufei's mouth, ready to open, I can sense that he's about to ask what I've done. I can feel the tension in the very air I'm breathing, and I wring my hands under the table, digging my nails into the flesh and feeling the pain. I look at Quatre, asking him, in what I hope is a kind understanding voice,  
  
"Why are you here?, Quatre.",  
  
Wufei knows I changed the subject on purpose, I can tell by the way he looks at me.  
  
" It's up to him to tell you, If he wants you to know."  
  
Trowa glances at Quatre again, taking the smaller, paler hand to rest in his, he cares deeply about him, it's obvious.  
  
"why can't he tell me now then?" I'm confused, Quatre smiles more, not acknowledging that I'm talking about him, Trowa gives his hand a squeeze.  
  
Wufei answers my Question, he waves his hand in front of Quatre's face, the blond smiles, blinking, but saying nothing, just looks at Wufei and smiles at him. I look in the blonds eyes, the pupils are huge, glazed over.  
  
"they keep him doped out of his head," he says, all the mocking gone, despite his chosen wording. Quatre nods brightly, staring at me, he doesn't annoy me now, but his empty gaze begins to freak me out.  
  
He doesn't register a word I say.  
  
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constructive criticism desperately needed!  
  
Luv ya all for reviewing.  
  
Sorry if it's a bad ending to the chapter, and sorry for the shortness. I wanted to get started on a different pov. I don't have much time for writing so I wanted to move the plot forward a little.  
  
Hope u enjoyed.  
  
(1)- I can't remember what they do, but cars r expensive ne? (2)-Wufei always seems to be schizophrenic in institution fics, but I'm not an expert on mental health so I can't think of what else he could be, will try to do some research and get it changed. 


	3. chapter2

Disclaimer: I don't own gundamwing (sorry?) that would be bandai. (See, that man over there. The one with the big wad of cash in his pocket)  
  
Yay! Chapter 2!  
  
Review response:  
  
Thank u all soooooo much for your reviews, I cherish them all, really.  
  
The first chapter is wrong, because my word processor wasn't working so I couldn't see any paragraphs properly, but I kept it because I wanted the reviews it got.  
  
Sorry if it was confusing^_^' I cut a bit out when I was editing that I didn't like, so the reasons for the tension aren't stated very clearly, Quatre is on drugs that affect his memory and the way he thinks. So Trowa answers things he doesn't know. If you're still confused about anything then feel free to email me.  
  
Notes: This chapter has a few pov's, I've only written in duo and Quatre before so it should be a challenge *sweats*. Sorry for the wait, all work no play breed's inspiration I can't write down.  
  
Erm.more scene setting, maybe some of the main plot coming in, but it depends on how it goes, the next chapter will either be Quatre pov, or without pov, maybe with a little Quatre to start it off (he's so sweet how can I resist?) but Heero will come in.  
  
Reviews make me a happy bunny,  
  
On with the story (blimey these r long notes.and hardly any shortened words.I'm so proud. Lol.)  
  
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~~@@~~Wufei~~@@~~  
  
I wasn't surprised by Duo's arrival, Quatre had been talking about getting a room mate for weeks, but even so seeing him sitting there at the table chatting so casually on his first day was a little unexpected. The first thing I noticed was his hair, he had it long, pulled back into a braid snaking right down to his thighs, his chestnut bangs falling just above his eyes. They were wide, violet, almost pretty, but they gave him a childish quality I wasn't sure that I liked. He was dressed all in black, a priest's collar on his shirt, with pants (*1) that puffed out oddly at the waist. Daft clothes. He looked ridiculous. Far too morbid for this place.  
  
Trowa was there, of course, using Quatre as his comfort blanket. His hand hardly left the smaller boys. He was talking just about comfortably, filling in where Quatre was confused. Duo was treating Quatre like a child, instead of a 15 year old, while the blond smiled and nodded. His eyes were glassed over, huge pupils, I was pissed off that he didn't notice that straight away, it was so obvious.  
  
I wanted to scare him, so I told him about Meilan (*2), but I left out the details; that my wife had wanted me to do it- kill her. He must have thought I was crazy that first meeting, and I wanted it that way, best not to let him think I liked him. I was happy how we were, the three of us together .I trusted them. I never wanted to get to know anyone else, Quatre had laughed before, thinking I was bitter for my dislike of other people, but anyone else wouldn't find me funny, I don't fit in with people, never have.  
  
Duos grin was annoying, false. I knew he was hiding something more behind it but Trowa, being Trowa, didn't show his emotions, he was unreadable. I doubt that, at the time, he felt anything towards Duo, just accepted, kept his restrained calm at the new arrival's ignorance towards his friend.  
  
He's changed so much since he came here, Trowa. I remember his first few days, he came in on his own, sat in a corner and kept his eyes trained to a crack in a wall. He wouldn't communicate, refused to speak or even to write anything down, and his body language rarely gave anything away. The other patients ignored him, he said later he wanted it like that, he didn't like human contact. But then Quatre came, instantly popular, but shy, and small. He had always hated the attention he got, perhaps because of his past, but maybe just his nature. He shared his room with Trowa, because he didn't like to be alone, and they thought it would be good for their "autistic mute" to have some company, someone that wouldn't ignore him. They had the room next to mine, and I listened to the one sided conversation through the wall, feeling perverted, but somehow nostalgic. That was how I got to know them both; I heard Trowas first words after months of silence. Quatre's tactile coaxing made him want to speak and be acknowledged. I learned Quatre life story, caught snatches of Trowas, but he was too quiet to hear clearly.  
  
I wanted to be there, not to share the closeness they had developed, but I needed someone, I was lonely. I was the only one in the whole hospital who was completely alone, even the ultimately antisocial Trowa had found someone, but I was an outcast, even here.  
  
I never slept through those nights; instead I lived their lives with them, cried over their troubles and smiled when they found happiness. It shames me thinking about it now, having spent so much time with an ear pressed to the plaster, I've never told them to this day.  
  
I first talked to the couple in group, I didn't expect them to end up as my closest friends, but they did. Quatre invited me over to sit with them. I liked him, no matter how hard I tried not to I couldn't, it was just the way he was. He always seemed to know the right thing to say at the right time. He was perfect. As I got to know him personally I became protective over him, he looked like he needed it, because he was pale and fragile looking, but despite his appearance, he has the strongest most noble of souls. (*3)  
  
He had bouts of depression, but they were understandable, part of his humanity, and he and Trowa were verging on becoming lovers. But Doctor Une seemed to think he needed medication, he had a bad assessment, after spending three days in hospital. There were rumours of suicide going, but he never said anything on the subject. He's always been like that, secretive, even though he seems open. She prescribed him with anti- depressants, which destroyed him, turned him into an empty shell. The worst thing about it though, was that they were recovering, both of them. They had helped each other, and I'd been sure they would both have been released soon; or at least moved to a different ward, to start on school work- get used to a normal life again.  
  
They aren't the same anymore; their release is a long way off.  
  
Our table was called up, and we lurched over to the queue, picking up plastic trays and a blunt knife and fork each. The meals here reminded me of primary school, like they didn't trust us with real plates. I'd asked about it before, but they told me it was just cheaper that way. I didn't believe them, never believed a word they said. They dropped 3 shiny brown sausages on my tray, alongside the ice cream scoops of instant mashed potato. In another section of the tray custard was ladled over a portion of sponge pudding.  
  
I made my way back to the table, pouring myself a glass of orange squash, then waited for the others to return before picking at the food. I watched Duo wolf his down, he went back for seconds. You'd have thought he'd been starved, Quatre and Trowa ate slowly, the conversation ran dry, and eventually we went to scrape the leftovers into a tub on a table in the corner. It was Saturday, dinner was always served early, so there was a lot of time afterwards to do allegedly what we liked. I left earlier than the rest, saying I would be in the common room for our ward. I changed my mind halfway though, and got a student worker to take me to my room, this was Cams; her nametag read Camilla, a gullible girl, nice enough. She walked with me to my room and sat on the floor, we spent the night talking psychology and philosophy. Cams isn't so bad.  
  
~~@@~~Trowa~~@@~~  
  
Wufei had left, he never took well to new arrivals, I guess I didn't take too well to them either, at least, they didn't seem to take to me; I never choose my friends, they choose me. I think he must have found an escort to take him to his room, because when we went to sit in the adjoining common room he wasn't there. Wufei wasn't impressed by Duo, he was hostile, but I liked him, he had tried to get to know us all right from the start, something I would never have done, but he asked questions, things that were too personal to answer on a first meeting. He talked too much, and I didn't know what to say.  
  
We went to sit on a couch, the one in the corner, nice and sheltered; it suited the three of us to have the privacy. Quatre was next to me, Duo at the other end. He was edgy by then, he kept fiddling with the end of his braid, and although he sat in a relaxed position he was tense. We weren't the most welcoming of people; we couldn't have given him a good first impression. It was an awkward situation; it always is on your first day. I saw allot of patients come and go, and even though I didn't get to know many of them personally, I got attached to them all; it's nice seeing someone get better and leave. The first few days are always hard, most of them all found it difficult to accept that they'd been committed.  
  
Mai was handed the remote, we take it in turns deciding who chooses the channel- it stops any arguments. We had a small ward, for people who needed extra care and supervision, so arguments rarely happened. I leaned back into the cushions, all too aware of Duo in the corner. He was hiding everything, I knew it, and I wanted to tell him that I knew how he felt, I wanted to go over and comfort him, but as always, I wouldn't. I felt like it wasn't my place to talk to him. I didn't know him, so I knew I would say something wrong and he wouldn't like me. I had always left the personal chatty talk to Quatre who was leaning against my shoulder, falling asleep.  
  
"What's on TV then?"  
  
"I'm a celebrity get me out of here"(*4)  
  
"Who was voted out last night?"  
  
Shrug.pause.  
  
"What's on next.?"  
  
"I'm not sure."  
  
Pause.  
  
"What else is there to do round here.?"  
  
"There's games in the cupboard over there, some one would play if you  
asked.or you could go get something from your room, but you'll need an  
escort if you haven't had your first assessment yet."  
  
"Oh.ok then."  
  
He said. He was trying to make conversation, but I didn't have  
anything interesting to talk about so I told him the facts. I didn't  
want to talk to him, not so soon after I'd met him.  
  
It got worse as the night went on. It would have to be Saturday when  
we had so much time to waste. I was counting the three hours down on  
the clock the whole time. A film came on the TV, a comedy. Duo laughed  
softly, but he was digging his nails into the palms of his hands.  
Mariemaia giggled at the movie. She thought it was hilarious. It  
wasn't funny, but she was only 10, so it appealed to her more.  
  
Quatre sighed in his sleep, I had expected him to be asleep by now,  
it's part of the normal cycle. After a while I got used to the  
different side effects his medication induced. I nudged him- I'd have  
been more comfortable with him awake, but his head just lolled against  
my shoulder  
  
Duo's eyes kept flickering towards me, I wasn't laughing. I've been  
told so many times about my silence, how it frightens people, puts  
them off me and makes them uncomfortable. Duo was like that then; I  
must have been scaring him. Quatre pushed his head closer in against  
my neck, his weight giving me pins and needles. I could have moved  
him, it used to take allot to wake him up on those evenings, and he  
wasn't heavy, I left him there because I felt safer from Duo, he  
provided a barrier between us.  
  
I knew it was irrational to think of him like that, I didn't know  
until later that Duo would never have disturbed my peace, but this was  
then, and my skin was crawling. Just the thought of sitting so close  
to someone I didn't know made me cringe.  
  
I pretty much ignored every thing he said, he must have thought I was weird, and I remember thinking, 'that's it, he won't want to know me at all', because I was acting like I didn't want to know him. I did really; it just would have been better at another time. Maybe a month ago I'd have been a little less cold.  
  
I couldn't help it though, not talking. I can't explain why I did it, it just happened sometimes.  
  
I like things to stay the same, and I don't like changes. They told me that was partly why I ended up how I am. Duo taking my old bed changed the order of things. I couldn't stop thinking about him spending his nights where I used to sleep, and him talking to Quatre when I should have instead. I pulled him in closer against me, in a protective gesture. I didn't care who noticed it, by then half the hospital knew how close we were.  
  
I wanted Quatre how he used to be with me then, more than ever. I couldn't say that I missed him, because he was still there, but it did upset me, I never thought he needed any medication. Doctor Une knew allot, but she was wrong about this. What she chose to do was stupid, and she didn't see the sick irony that I did.  
  
The night felt like it was going on forever, time always seems to move slowly when you sit in silence. Duo tried to make another conversation, like he always does, and he kept on with his nervous fiddling with his braid. I wanted something that would give us an excuse to leave for bed, like a panic alarm, but it never came so I had no choice but to sit with him until the nurse got up after the film and told us we had to go.  
  
Duo mumbled a good bye, and he was up and off before I could say anything. I had wanted to apologize for being unwelcoming. Looking back I don't think I would have, even though I wanted to. I shook Quatre awake, it took nearly two minutes before he finally made a noise and rubbed his eyes. Every one else except for us had gone. He'd been left on the couch all night once when he wouldn't wake up, someone was with him, but I didn't like it. That was earlier, when they first gave him the script. He didn't take anything after lunch after that time so he wouldn't be so out of it when he had to wake up, but I was still scared of it happening again. I half pulled him to his feet, he blinked groggily, normally about now it all started to wear off after he had slept, but it left him tired. What I hated the most was the mornings, he'd be like himself, but he really did need it. By then he was addicted to his so called medicine and I couldn't stand seeing him shaking or breathing heavily until he poured the things down his throat. Then he would stop shaking straight away, and the familiar blank look would slowly come onto his face. I hated the mornings; they were always the worst time of day.  
  
I hugged him, he smiled. He was sleepy, but more himself, and I kept my arm under his while I walked him to his room. It was almost ten o'clock; the smaller ones, Mariemaia and the others were being ushered into their rooms. They weren't as strict with the older patients; most of them were good like that. You get some assholes, but that's the same as everywhere. When I got here I was expecting them all either to treat me like a child or to be horrible, but the staff are all human beings. Quatre showed me that too. There are ones that I don't like- Nurse Darlian and Doctor Une mostly, but some are really good. I could sit and talk to them for hours. I hoped that Duo would find that out soon.  
  
I made sure he had everything he needed before I went to get ready myself. Quatre's room has it's own bathroom, but Duo wasn't there. I couldn't blame him for not wanting to get changed in there. I hadn't myself at first. I saw him again in the communal washroom at the end of the corridor; he came out of one of the cubicles looking miserable. The grin came on instantly when he saw me come in, and he went to the sixth sink right up against the wall. As far away from me as possible. I felt sorry for him. I wanted to know what had happened to him. He told us he had multiple personality disorder, I'd never met anyone with that before. Wufei was schizophrenic, but that was the closest I'd ever come. It made me want to ask him things. I made up my mind to find out more, if I hadn't already messed up any chances of a friendship by scaring him.  
  
Duo had this desperate look in his eyes. I'd seen it on Quatre and others before. They were all red and puffy, like he was holding back tears. He was wearing a thick jumper over his pyjamas, even though it was far too hot and dry for anything more than a single layer. He looked terrible, pale and young. I'd have thought he was years younger if I didn't know that he was sixteen. Duo was short, about the same size as Quatre, and I wanted to comfort him more than ever at that moment.  
  
He cleaned his teeth vigorously, avoiding my gaze, keeping his own on the taps. I turned out of the room, feeling the smooth cold tiles under my bare feet, and I went to my own room, thinking about this new boy, and my own past, and my own future.  
  
~~@@~~Duo~~@@~~  
  
I couldn't sleep at all that night, I couldn't stop thinking, and there was nothing to distract me from the reality of the situation anymore. I lay there, unaware of the time, exhausted. I was so tired, worn down. Quatre was asleep above me, his breathing loud and heavy. Doped out of his head, like Wufei told me. I ran my nails along the top of my arm, scratching across old scars. I blinked my eyes, rubbing furiously at them in a futile attempt to stop the tears.  
  
I missed Heero already, I hadn't realised how much I needed him.relied on him until now. I wasn't alone, but this place seemed the loneliest on earth at that moment. It was warm in the tiny rooms, the heating was supposed to make it home like, but I couldn't sleep, I was sweating. I sat up, spreading the thin quilt out under me, and lay for a while. I rolled up my sleeves, thinking that no one would see my arms in the dark. I was thirsty, but I never left bed for a drink. I stayed on top of the covers tossing and turning.  
  
I stared at the slats of the bunk above me, and I listened to the wood creak as Quatre started twisting, making the bed shift. The mattress was pushed through the gaps, where his body was. I heard him cough, and murmur softly in his sleep, pain full noises, I hated hearing them, he was having a night mare, innocent sweet Quatre was not what he seemed, like my self. I clawed at my arms, a little harder now, and let the tears run freely onto the pillow. My hair was coming undone; it stuck to my face, leaving impressions in my cheek.  
  
Quatre moaned, softly, but agonisingly, I felt the bed sway, and his quilt being pushed off as he sat up. I turned towards the wall, closing my eyes trying to look asleep. The bed creaked louder, as he climbed down the ladder and he padded into the bathroom. The light was flicked on, and for a second the room was illuminated, casting shadows across the floor. He closed it; I heard water running, the toilet flush, and a tap left on. I had opened my eyes, and pulled down my sleeves, I did it on instinct, and then he came in again. He walked over to the bunks, his breaths ragged and shaky now he was awake.  
  
I closed my eyes again, I couldn't face a conversation with him, he had stopped, wasn't going back to bed- like he was contemplating something. I remembered the security camera in the corner, and I tensed, this was a mental institution after all, Quatre could do anything, and I still didn't know why he was there.  
  
"Duo.?"  
  
I kept my eyes squeezed shut, listening to Quatre's sigh, a lamp was switched on, and I saw dots as the light went through my eyelids.  
  
"I know your awake. stop pretending."  
  
I turned to face him, reluctantly, I was annoyed by now, but some how his words extinguished my irrational fears. I blinked in the dim light, heat rising in my cheeks. It was embarrassing to have him standing there looking at me, knowing I'd been faking sleep. I pushed my self up, and grinned, hoping it wasn't too obvious I'd been crying. He smiled back, I'd never seen this smile before, he seemed different, less threatening than earlier.  
  
"You alright.duo?"  
  
I nodded fervently, I wasn't all right, inside I was aching. Quatre's expression changed, like he saw right through me, and he dropped to his knees right in front of me. I edged backwards as his fingers reached out to brush the stray strands behind my ears,  
  
"No, you're not alright. It was a stupid question."  
  
He crossed his legs, pulled the long sleeves on his expensive looking pyjamas down over his thumbs and held them there.  
  
We sat there for a while. I was comfortable with him now, even though he was staring at me. It was like he was waiting for something to say to me before he tried to speak. I was a bit surprised when he finally did; I'd half expected him to come out with something deep and meaningful. I knew he understood how I felt just from the look in his eyes, so I was waiting for sympathy.  
  
"Go wash those tears away."  
  
He had said,  
  
"You'll feel better.go on."  
  
He smiled in that comforting way again, and nodded towards the bathroom. I went, he was right, it felt better.  
  
When I'd finished, I went back into the dim bedroom and sat on the bunk again, Quatre hadn't moved from his spot there on the floor, but he had looked up when I came in.  
  
"Your hair's unusual.it's so long."  
  
"It needs washing.I've been a bit preoccupied lately."  
  
I hadn't washed it for a while, like I told him I was preoccupied. He did most of the talking that night, especially at first. I needed that, someone for me to listen to instead of the other way round.  
  
"That doesn't matter, you can always do it in the morning.have you got a brush?"  
  
"In my bag, over there."  
  
"Can I get it?.I'll brush your hair for you, it needs doing."  
  
"Ok then."  
  
He shuffled over to my bag on the floor, clicked open the buckle and lifted the neatly folded clothes aside. I watched him push things out of his way until he found what he was looking for, a paddle bush made from shiny plastic-black of course. Heero had packed that bag for me, everything was perfectly ordered and neat, each item in it's own place. It made me smile to think of him back at the flat when he insisted on doing it for me, even though at the time he was infuriating. He had checked it all at least three times before he was satisfied I had all the things the leaflet said to bring. He was always good like that, Heero. His caring side showed through, he just had funny ways of showing it.  
  
Quatre kneeled behind me on my bed, pulled the band out and trawled his fingers right through before he started.  
  
"I like long hair.my nieces and sisters used to ask me to do theirs for them"  
  
He took his time, I enjoyed having him tease out the knots, and he did it so gently.  
  
"Why are you here.?"  
  
"I told you earlier.don't you remember?"  
  
He shook his head, the blond bangs moved. I blushed, how could I have forgotten that he wouldn't remember.  
  
"Sorry."  
  
"Oh, it's ok."  
  
He smiled sweetly, drawing the brush through a section of hair. I felt it scratch lightly against my back, and he tenderly lifted it to lie over my shoulder where it waved and blew with my breath.  
  
"My partner thought I should come here, he thought I was failing in my career and he told me I was a danger to myself.and others."  
  
"I wouldn't believe that for a second, you wouldn't harm anyone I'm sure of it."  
  
He was wrong about that, but he didn't ask about my job so I didn't tell him. He meant it in a different way though, so it didn't matter. I wasn't violent on purpose, it was only for work. I had to be harsh to survive.  
  
"Why are you here.?"  
  
"Lots of reasons."  
  
"Like?"  
  
"I put myself here, mostly."  
  
I didn't press it; he obviously didn't want to say right now. He deposited another section of hair on my shoulder, and shifted around on his feet.  
  
"Hard day hmm?"  
  
"Yeah.I guess."  
  
"The first night is always the worst, it changes with time, you'll get used to it."  
  
I sighed, at that moment I knew it wouldn't, nothing had got better for such a long time I was certain things could only get worse, it tended to work like that, every thing started looking up, then something else was dumped on me.  
  
"I know."  
  
"I doubt that you do.I didn't.but things will be better."  
  
He sounded so certain.I didn't believe him; I knew what would make things better.or at least make me forget.  
  
More and more hair was left on my shoulder, every now and again the brush would touch the newer scars, they weren't quite healed, so they itched. Quatre went on talking, he told me about his own first night, when he shared his room with Trowa. He felt just like I did, isolated, scared, guilty, and angry, for having slipped so low.  
  
His hand wasn't quite steady, his wrists looked so thin and breakable, and he kept pulling his cuffs down to cover them. I thought for a second that he might have been the same as me, but I decided it was meaningless. He went on for quite a while; I really did feel better talking to him. I never told him anything personal; this was the first conversation I had had about normal things for months. I felt like I'd known him for years, like he was a friend.  
  
He was one of those people that made you feel good about yourself, no matter how down you were, if he was happy you were happy, if he cried, you cried with him, and if he was angry you were angry for him. It didn't take me long to find that out.  
  
He finished with the last section of hair, took the rest off my shoulder, and dragged his fingers to the ends again. I shook my head, and it waved, like it always did when it had been tied up for a while.  
  
"Who do you live with? Your parents?"  
  
"No.I never knew my parents.I was brought up with the church."  
  
"Oh.were you happy there?"  
  
"Yes.very."  
  
He split my hair into three, and started braiding it slowly.  
  
"It's what you have that counts, isn't it.you have to learn to appreciate what you've got."  
  
" Yeah.how 'bout you? Living with all those sisters can't be that easy."  
  
" I never lived with all of them at once. they're all older than me so most of them have their own houses."  
  
"Must've been good at Christmas and birthdays anyway."  
  
"It was. Those used to be the only times of year we were all together."  
  
He smiled, I already felt like things weren't as bad as I had thought. Quatre was nice, I was more at home here with him than I had ever been, since I lived at the church, and that was almost four years ago.  
  
I passed him the band he'd left on the pillow, and he tied the end of my braid quickly, with out any snags. He was about to get up when someone knocked on the door; he jumped about a foot into the air, before he answered it.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
The door was pushed open, and I could see the corridor outside, I couldn't make out the face of the man in the doorway, but I knew I hadn't seen him before. Quatre and him seemed to know each other.  
  
"Try to get some sleep boys, ok?"  
  
"Alright.I was only talking to Duo, he just came today."  
  
"I thought I hadn't seen you before.you'll have a busy day tomorrow, so you should get into bed. You won't want to be too tired in the morning, and it's already very late, don't stay up much longer."  
  
"Ok then, he won't! Night Otto."  
  
"Good kid."  
  
The door closed, Quatre got up and climbed the ladder to his own bed.  
  
We talked for about another half an hour before I fell asleep. I asked him how long he'd been there for and he said four months. He told me all about Trowa and Wufei, how Trowa had refused to speak for weeks on end, and how he reacted to change badly. He said not to ask him too many questions all at the same time, and to get to know him slowly. Quatre and Trowa were made for each other, he said that they planned to get a flat together when they got out, and he said I'd have to go and visit. I told him I would.  
  
He told me about Wufei too, and that I'd just have to put up with him until he accepted me. I told him I didn't like Wufei, he wasn't surprised, but he said that I would eventually, and that Wufei was the most loyal person he knew. I didn't tell him that Wufei scared me, and whether he was loyal or not didn't make me want to know some one that had killed his own wife. Or pretended to have killed his wife, because then I didn't know.  
  
He laughed sweetly from the bunk above. I yawned; I was tired, ready to go to sleep.  
  
"You should get some sleep." he said, like he could read my mind.  
  
"Mmmph."  
  
and I slept easily until in the morning.  
  
~~@@~~End notes~~@@~~  
  
(*1) I'm English, so I say trousers, not pants, and plait instead of braid, but for this fic at least I'll use those, to avoid problems I've had talking to Americans before. Because most gundam wing fans I know are from the USA, but sorry if I say anything that no one understands.  
  
(*2)- more on this later, I'm hoping to get so far as to do some little side fics, on the characters that end up most relevant/develop well in the story.  
  
(*3) erm.corny?.  
  
(*4) I'm a celebrity get me out of here.don't ask me why they're watching that.but I guess people in mental institutions watch I'm a celebrity get me out of here too.sometimes. and I'm hopeless at dialogue, but it needed some in there because it was all clumped up.  
  
Just one more point- Quatre's medication is loosely based around something I know about, only the effects are exaggerated allot. What he takes isn't real so don't be thinking it exists^_^ ' .unless I set it in the future.then that would give me an excuse.  
  
when I started writing and planning it all I didn't have much information to use but any other drugs in the story will be real, but I admit, it will get a bit far fetched.  
  
~~@@~~**~~@@~~  
  
Grizzles.why did I decide to write in pov? Bla I hate pov. next chapter won't have any. Was the end a bit sappy or was it sweet, please review?  
  
I'm not too happy with bits of this but I thought I should just leave it and get it posted so I can do the next one^-^  
  
Newayz, thanks4reading, constructive criticism is greatly appreciated.  
  
Another thing, any suggestions for chapter titles? I can't think of any, but It'd be nice to have some.  
  
Next chapter has Heero in, learn some disturbing things about Duo's career, and get to know one of the therapists a little. and there should be a bit of corruption on the Darlians part. Hopefully it won't turn out too boring, but it's going to introduce the minor characters who are essential to the plot.the ones I don't like.  
  
Will write as much as I can, but don't expect anything soon, I have a busy life ;_;  
  
Till next time! 


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